The Missing Piece, Part two

One of my favourite hypothetical question is what shape would your life be, charted out on a graph? Given that there are two kinds of graph you can choose from:

1) One that has peaks and troughs, where there are moments of extreme highs and also moments of extreme lows. Life's full of drama, like a roller coaster ride; 2) One that does not have any extreme high nor extreme low. Life is largely uneventful and moderately happy and peaceful. Like a walk in the park. 

For me, it has always been the second graph. In order not to experience extreme sadness in my life, I would give up the right to extreme joy and happiness. The thing is, I have not experienced extreme highs in my life so I suppose it is easy for me to give it up. I have always wondered if I genuinely want a moderately happy-uneventful life. Recently, I was put in a situation where I am challenged on this theory. I met a boy. This addition to my life has upset the tranquility I have built around my world like a fortress for the last decade. I asked myself, if I could turn back time, and choose again, would I reset my life back to where it was without him. And I wouldn't, almost couldn't. 

It is indulgent. Like going from a commoner to a queen. From being nobody to somebody's somebody. 

Being the most single person for the longest time, I am not used to this privileged attention and importance that has been placed upon me. It feels awkward, unreal and almost... undeserving. I have heard how prisoners, who have been released from prison after being locked up for a long time commit crime so that they can go back to prison. They have been so institutionalized they cannot fit back into society. That describes how I feel now. A small part of me wants to sabotage this. This part of me wishes to go back to how things were. 

I refuse to see that my life is better now than before. There is a stubborn defense for Singlehood. I have never seen myself as a sad and charmless old maid. I have always lived my Single life with a fierce determination to get the most out of life, alone. Not having a companion has not stopped me from my travels, from watching movies or enjoying a good meal in a restaurant. My refusal to see a coupled state as better is also a defiance of societal norms. Love is overplayed in films, books and music; in the stupid commercialized Valentine's Day; and even in our social groups of family and friends. The virtues of the simplicity of Numero Uno lives in the dark shadows of the stupid, overrated talk of love. Admittedly, there are now more happy moments, happier moments, less lonely moments... but with love, the quiet beautiful tranquility is also shattered forever.

However, by not wanting to reset my life, am I inferring that two is better than one?? The answer is no. Best thing is, no sickening coupled people can accuse me of being sour grapes in this instance! Since now I am also part of a duo (HA!). While I do not think being in a relationship is better than being Single (vice versa), I do feel that having experienced being in a relationship helps to validate a later decision to stay single, should the I choose to do so. Or should love fades away before I want it to, I can at least look back at the happy days of being once in love and look forward to Single life once again. I just hope that when that day comes I will still be able to stand on my own two feet and enjoy singing the simple tune of One. Like the circle with the missing piece.