The Missing Piece, Part two

One of my favourite hypothetical question is what shape would your life be, charted out on a graph? Given that there are two kinds of graph you can choose from:

1) One that has peaks and troughs, where there are moments of extreme highs and also moments of extreme lows. Life's full of drama, like a roller coaster ride; 2) One that does not have any extreme high nor extreme low. Life is largely uneventful and moderately happy and peaceful. Like a walk in the park. 

For me, it has always been the second graph. In order not to experience extreme sadness in my life, I would give up the right to extreme joy and happiness. The thing is, I have not experienced extreme highs in my life so I suppose it is easy for me to give it up. I have always wondered if I genuinely want a moderately happy-uneventful life. Recently, I was put in a situation where I am challenged on this theory. I met a boy. This addition to my life has upset the tranquility I have built around my world like a fortress for the last decade. I asked myself, if I could turn back time, and choose again, would I reset my life back to where it was without him. And I wouldn't, almost couldn't. 

It is indulgent. Like going from a commoner to a queen. From being nobody to somebody's somebody. 

Being the most single person for the longest time, I am not used to this privileged attention and importance that has been placed upon me. It feels awkward, unreal and almost... undeserving. I have heard how prisoners, who have been released from prison after being locked up for a long time commit crime so that they can go back to prison. They have been so institutionalized they cannot fit back into society. That describes how I feel now. A small part of me wants to sabotage this. This part of me wishes to go back to how things were. 

I refuse to see that my life is better now than before. There is a stubborn defense for Singlehood. I have never seen myself as a sad and charmless old maid. I have always lived my Single life with a fierce determination to get the most out of life, alone. Not having a companion has not stopped me from my travels, from watching movies or enjoying a good meal in a restaurant. My refusal to see a coupled state as better is also a defiance of societal norms. Love is overplayed in films, books and music; in the stupid commercialized Valentine's Day; and even in our social groups of family and friends. The virtues of the simplicity of Numero Uno lives in the dark shadows of the stupid, overrated talk of love. Admittedly, there are now more happy moments, happier moments, less lonely moments... but with love, the quiet beautiful tranquility is also shattered forever.

However, by not wanting to reset my life, am I inferring that two is better than one?? The answer is no. Best thing is, no sickening coupled people can accuse me of being sour grapes in this instance! Since now I am also part of a duo (HA!). While I do not think being in a relationship is better than being Single (vice versa), I do feel that having experienced being in a relationship helps to validate a later decision to stay single, should the I choose to do so. Or should love fades away before I want it to, I can at least look back at the happy days of being once in love and look forward to Single life once again. I just hope that when that day comes I will still be able to stand on my own two feet and enjoy singing the simple tune of One. Like the circle with the missing piece.

Dukan Diet Cruise Phase (Week 5 - 8)

Work has been quite crazy the last two weeks and the little romance that has crept into my simple quiet life are all making me neglect my blog! More on the romance in another post!

I want to say it here that by now, the 26th of February, I have reached my weight loss goal of fitting into my Ultimate Two-Size down dress. It is a bustier dress and this is what it looks like. Haha, it actually looks rather shapeless in this picture.

My last session with my gym trainer ended last week. We did a fat mass analysis at the start of my training  in October 2011 and we did another fat analysis after the last session, And here are the results. I have jotted down the initial analysis back in October for comparison. My weight was 67.4kg in October 2011 and on 24 February 2012, I weighed 60.4kg. I did not lose weight from October right through to December 2011. In fact I might have gained a couple more kilos. The weight loss of 7 kg is largely due to the diet and it took 2 months. And what's interesting to note also is that my FFM (Fat Free Mass) remained at 41.3kg. FFM refers largely to muscular mass. This means through my training at the gym, i managed to maintain my muscular mass, which also means i have burnt 7kg of pure fat (and water weight, I am sure)

I had wanted only to do 5 weeks of Cruise Phase but i extended it to 8 weeks so that I can burn off a bit more before I enter Consolidation Phase where I might put back on a couple of kilos due to the re-introduction of carbohydrates into my system. Next week will be the last week of Cruise. By Saturday 3 March, I will be taking my first taste of carbohydrates after 2 months in the first Celebration Meal of the third phase. 

Here're what I have eaten for the last two weeks. These are mostly packed lunch and dinner from home. My fabulous mom cooked them for me. She uses a lot of seafood such as calamari, fish and prawns in her food. Also used lot of is bean curd and eggs. Without my mom, I don't think I will last this long in phase 2. 

Fishballs soup

Cold Silken Tofu with Soba sauce and wasabi. 

Steamboat at The Mushroom Pot

Sardines from the can

Dukan Diet Cruise Phase 2 (Week 3 and 4)

Ok, so I have really slipped on my weekly updates.

By now, I am already into week 5 of the Cruise Phase - what I have set as the final week for this phase. I want to say that this diet works! i was in Hong Kong in December 2011 and started this diet on 1 January 2012. In about 6 weeks, I have already gone down one and half dress sizes. My aim is to go down two dress sizes. Couple of days ago, I took out some old clothes, so unworn they had the wardrobe smell on them. I could wear most of them, and I love my old clothes. There is The Ultimate Two-Dress-Size-Smaller bustier dress which I could zip all the way up but could...not....breathe... in it. So I am not quite there yet. So I don't have to shop for new clothes for many months more, since I can now recycle my old clothes.

When I first decided to do the Dukan diet, I really did not know if I could pull through Phase 2. But now that I have gone to 4 drinking sessions with friends and stuck to my perriers and sugar-free pastilles, ok and cigarettes (can die but cannot be fat?!), I now know I can conquer this. I have even gotten used to the strict order of pure protein/pure protein veg routine. I have not touched sugar and alcohol in 6 weeks. The alcohol was a little hard to give up in week 3 but now I feel I don't miss it as much.

And people who have seen me at work are all amazed at how good I look now (note that the "how good I look" is due to the CONTRAST between the Before and After. Like a woman with a uni brow will look infinitely better once she trims her brows. So it's got nothing to do with inherent beauty). People can say all they want about not giving a fuck about being Plus Size. In the last two years when my weight rocketed, I did not feel good at all being Plus Size. I feel GREAT now being Normal Size. So celebs like Octavia Spencer should never claim she is not bothered being Plus Size. Look at Jennifer Hudson. It's just like s Single woman saying she prefers staying single to being in a relationship. You just can't say things like that. But that's another story altogether... getting back now to the diet.

I am so motivated by the success of this diet that I have decided to stretch Phase 2 till end of February. I figured that moving into Phase 3, I will experience some weight gain since carbs will be introduced back into my diet albeit gradually. I take personal training at the gym and that could also have helped with the effectiveness of the diet. I am contemplating extending the personal training into phase 3.

Cheers to my future hotness!!

Here're some of the meals I had over the last two weeks. Last week was Chinese New Year so there had been some steamboat feasts, which works great for this diet because it's all steamed, fish and stuff.

Brunch with friends at Roadhouse, Dempsey. 

Mom braised a chicken for the Reunion dinner

Mom's famous steamboat and that fish over there was awesome. It was fried though, so I had only a little. 

Pan-fried fish fillet, with black beans, onions, cherry tomatoes

Can't do this diet without my mom. She made this dish of sliced lean pork, mushrooms and szechuan veg which was so tasty. 

A similar sliced lean pork with szechuan veg. 

The prawns leftover from the Reunion dinner  cooked with tofu. 

Stir-fry prawns

Salad with leftover roast chicken and sautéed mushrooms. 

Mom made this cold seafood platter for the Reunion dinner. It had scallops, mini abalone, Octopus. All can eat! 

Steamboat again just last night (4 February). Perfect. 

Vegetables and fish cake

Soup with cabbage and seaweed

What is the expiry date to love?

Jennifer Lopez' breakup with Marc Anthony was kind of expected for me, looking at her track record I was surprised it even lasted this long.

The pair that disappointed me is Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradiz. I hope he doesn't go for some 20 year old model as his next.

And then blogger Heather B. Armstrong broke up with her husband Jon. I am a new follower of her blog but by reading her About page, she seemed so happily married to the "charming geek Jon" as she so lovingly described.

What I find a little hard to understand sometimes is how people who are so glued together by having children un-glue? I mean Children are the super glue of a marriage, right? And with every new additional baby, I always feel "this couple is going to stick for a long while".

I can see how people grow sick of each other, grow to only see the bad in them and not the good that they fell in love with. The beginning stages of love is like going to some soul changing place like Nepal, and the rest of it like going back to the mundane work life in the city. The "life changingness" of Nepal soon give way again to constant cursing of the traffic and office politics.

If the question of "Am I happy?" is taken away from the consideration set of a marriage, how long can it last? Once two people commit to each other, should they be thinking in more fatalistic, doomsday terms? After all, the vow does say "till death do us part". If two people prepare for the worst to come, instead of expecting the best, would they be less prone to discontentment?

The other thing people can try is to not make a big fuss about their love for each other. All these big wedding celebrations is like jinxing yourselves. Look at Elizabeth Hurley and her super rich Indian husband. Get a humble ring, throw a small dinner. Take less happy shots of the wedding day. The less happy things you do, the more you prevent jinxing it. I still remember the day my idiot boss popped a bottle of champagne to celebrate the selling of an advertisement concept to a client. I knew then that she had jinxed it. True enough, it was a bloody train wreck.

When I was in Kerala staying at a home stay in Alleppey, I asked the owner of the home stay what is his recipe to staying married. Motty, the owner and his wife Lali, have been married for about 40 years from an arranged marriage. Motty replied, "give and take". And when I asked further, what was Lali's recipe to the marriage, he said "Lali has learnt to give and take of my many flaws." I agree that "give and take" is very important and not something that you can necessarily expect both parties in the marriage to do. Sometimes only one person has to bear the cross, be the one to give and take. Maybe this role falls more on the shoulders of the woman than the man. In a long standing marriage, isn't it true that more often than not the wife is somewhat of a virtuous woman?

The fragility of modern marriages should make us all treasure the limited time we have with our spouse even more. I am not an advocate for marriage as I do not want any children. But I am a cynic who wants to be proven wrong. I want people who attempt marriage to succeed. I want to see a revival of old-fashioned love.

Post post post Golden Globe red carpet review

Here's my take on some of the gowns I have seen from coverage of the Golden Globe. I put this together to have a discussion with a friend about the dresses and she suggested that I put it on my blog.